


this place is the same as it ever was

by bellesetoiles



Category: Chicago PD (TV), FBI (TV 2018)
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love, Holidays, Light Angst, Love, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28024047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellesetoiles/pseuds/bellesetoiles
Summary: She knows now, with the choice she made, that it hadn't been the right thing to say, but she's not sure if she would have done anything different. She had been so exhausted - of the careful dance they'd been doing for months (years, really), of hiding her feelings for him - that she couldn't help but blurt it out. Unfortunately, she hadn't counted on Jay having all of his walls up and then some.In which Hailey finds her way home for the holidays - and for good.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 3
Kudos: 62





	this place is the same as it ever was

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 8x03 promo had me channeling Dr. Strange and envisioning all the different possibilities after the bar convo. This version just happens to be the one that made it from my Upstead Mind Palace to paper (er, computer) first.
> 
> Loosely inspired by a few songs from evermore - feel free to guess which ones in the comments! :)

"Would you look at that? It's finally snowing!"

A voice (probably OA, that goofball) starts crooning a Michael Bublé classic, and Hailey turns to look out the window. Sure enough, the first snowfall of the season had arrived, just 2 Mondays away from Christmas. She smiles to herself, feeling her mood lift slightly at the momentary distraction from the dead bodies and dead ends.

Despite New York's best efforts to look festive, even the brightest lights and most ornate decorations on the Rockefeller tree couldn’t quite make up for the lack of snow. She had shared as much with Jay during a quick mid-day break, and he replied with a photo of the freshly shovelled parking lot of the 21st division.

**Reason #138 Chicago > New York, Hailey.**

She didn't disagree, but that didn't mean she couldn't have some fun with him. She pulls out her phone and sends a video of the flurries.

**Looks like New York heard you talking shit.**

He calls her almost immediately. “You call that snow? Come on, Hails. I bet it’ll be gone by the morning.”

Jay's voice is loud enough that OA catches his comment. He quickly types something into a new tab, and with a smirk, turns his screen to show Hailey the evening weather forecast - _6 inches of snow overnight_ , with a dramatic dancing snowflake animation. She shoots OA a quick thumbs up in appreciation, and accepts Jay's challenge. "Alright then, loser has to cover the winner's tab at Molly's this weekend."

"Deal. Get ready to be my sugar daddy _and_ my designated driver."

Both her and OA are laughing now, and she can picture the smirk on Jay's face. "Well, even if I lose - which I won't, by the way - I'll just tell Stella to hide the nice stuff."

From the corner of her eye, she sees Kristen and Stuart walking out of the elevator with bags of Chinese take out (their go-to for late nights, after Hailey practically vetoed all the pizza joints in the area within the first month).

"Gotta go, but we'll chat tonight?"

"Sounds good. I'm going to bed at 10, though, so don't stay at work too long," he jokes, but she knows it's an empty threat, and hangs up with renewed energy for the late night she's about to have.

*********

When she leaves Federal Plaza a few hours later, the streets are already covered in a thick blanket of white. The air is crisp and the wind has picked up, but in a city where she hasn't quite found her footing yet, the familiar way the cold seeps into her bones is oddly comforting. She ditches the train for a wintery stroll (ok, a brisk speed walk), stopping briefly on the Brooklyn bridge to take a few more photos for Jay. _He’d love this view_ , she thinks.

Hailey reaches her rented brownstone just before midnight, and heads straight to her kitchen to pour herself a full glass. On rough nights like this, she misses Jay and their _thing_ a little extra, but she's happy they're making it work across 2 cities and timezones. She had almost messed it up, messed _them_ up for good by telling him _“you know, you could tell me you don’t want me to take it”_ in that dimly lit bar.

She knows now, with the choice she made, that it hadn't been the right thing to say, but she's not sure if she would have (could have) done anything different. She had been so exhausted - of the careful dance they'd been doing for months (years, really), of hiding her feelings for him - that she couldn't help but blurt it out. Unfortunately, she hadn't counted on Jay having all of his walls up and then some.

_Their conversation unravels quickly after that, and the night ends not with the confession she so desperately wanted, but rather with an exchange of cruel words between two people who were still too hurt by their pasts to believe they deserved something good. She was angry at him, but even more angry at herself, and by the time she gets home from the bar, her mind is made up - she is going to New York. She needs to, if they're ever going to have a real shot down the line._

_She doesn't extend him the courtesy of letting him know before the rest of the team, breaking the news the next day in the bullpen. The words have barely left her mouth and he's already storming to the locker room, but she doesn't allow herself go after him no matter how badly she wants to, because she knows this is her fault. All she can do now is hold onto the hope that they'll be okay someday - because once upon a time, he had promised her their version of forever, and Jay Halstead was a lot of things, but he was not a liar._

_He gives her the silent treatment for a week, then shows up at her apartment the night before she has to leave. She opens the door with red-brimmed eyes and the word "sorry" stuck in her throat, and he just pulls her into a hug._

_"I know. Me too."_

_They make their way to her couch and it's only then that she notices the big Chicago Bears teddy he's holding._

_"You can pretend he's me while you're in New York," he says, uncharacteristically shy. "A cuddle buddy until you can get back to the real thing."_

_His expression is earnest, hopeful, and it makes her feel a little bolder._

_"Any chance I can get a taste of the real thing for the road?" she says, and there's no way he doesn't hear her heart pounding._

_"I think we can make that happen."_ _He turns off the lamp, wraps his arms around her small frame, and in the dark, they find the courage to begin again._

She's snapped out of her thoughts by an incoming FaceTime. _Jay_. His hair is sticking up in different directions when she picks up, and he's rubbing at his eyes gently. _Maybe he really did go to bed at 10._ “Hey, you didn't have to call me if you were already asleep.”

“I wasn't,” says Jay easily. "Just dozed off during the intermission of the Hawks game. How was the rest of your night?”

“Bad. Three more victims over the weekend, but not a single lead has panned out. We’re no closer to finding this group at all,” she sighs. She stops herself before she can share any more details about the case with him.

_The FBI is hardcore_ , she hears in OA's voice, and Jay might be her _partner_ , but he’s not her partner right now.

"Want to walk me through it? No specifics, just your latest angles. An unbiased ear might help," he offers. Of course he knows exactly what she's thinking, even when they haven't worked on a case together in almost a year and they're hundreds of miles apart.

She thanks him, but shakes her head slowly. “Honestly, I just want to stop thinking about it for a bit. Coming home will be good for me.”

“Yeah it will. Don't worry, I'll send you back good as new for those FBI suits,” he teases, and starts catching her up on all the happenings in their unit.

Hailey lets his voice wash over her, and feels the tension from the day leave her body slowly. The last thing she remembers is something about Platt having her way with the the newest patrol officers. When she wakes up the next morning, she's still clutching her phone, and she's greeted with a pixellated screenshot of her sleeping.

**_I know my stories weren’t that boring, so the only conclusion I have for this disrespect is that the FBI is overworking you. Good thing I have 48 hours of rest & relaxation planned for us this weekend, starting with that nice scotch you'll be buying me at Molly's_. :)**

She snorts, and reaches over the back of the couch to open her blinds. Her neighbor is dusting a small mountain of snow off the roof of his car, and she grins.

**_Sounds like a plan, partner, but just 2 tiny corrections - you'll be the one paying, and I want the tequila instead._ **

God, she can't wait to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday season. xx
> 
> P.S. For clarity, the FBI role that Hailey took is permanent, but to avoid spoiling the ending, all I’ll say is this: where there’s a will, there’s a way...


End file.
